Saturday, February 09, 2008

My Valentine

This “journal” entry is going to be hard for me to write. You see, when things get too personal, I seem to get emotional; and then I get frustrated because I get even more emotional… You get the picture. I like to blame my emotions on my mother – it’s easy to pass the blame onto someone else. However, I also believe that in many ways it is a good trait to have. It still gets very frustrating, though. :)

I was able to quit my job last year. When I quit, I was extremely nervous. Every other time that I had been a ‘stay-at-home-mom,’ at some point I would get depressed. Just enough that I would want to go back to work. Then I would miss my kids and want to stay home with them. Then my “cycle” would start over. Work, quit, work, quit. It was a vicious cycle.

So when I prayed and got the answer to quit my job, I was scared that the cycle was starting over. But I felt so strongly that it was what Heavenly Father wanted that both Danny and I took the leap and I quit my job. The thing that I couldn’t believe is that it was amazing! I loved it. I absolutely loved spending time with Preston in the morning while Kaden was at school, and then with Kaden in the afternoon while Preston was taking a nap. Our house was cleaner, our family was healthier (side-effect of daycare), and we were overall happier. I loved it! And still do for that matter.

As a blessing from Heavenly Father, for extra income Danny was given some opportunities for contract side-work. Again, this was a huge blessing, but it also made Danny EXTREMELY busy. He would (and still does) come home from work just to get on the computer to do his side job. He is very good at what he does and therefore continues to get these extra income opportunities quite often. Once more, he is BUSY.

Well, yesterday I decided that I wanted to go out with just Danny. It was time for us to be together just as a couple without kids. The problem was that there was no babysitter available. I tried everyone on our list, but, of course, everyone had plans already. Instead of realizing that I should just try for today, I moped. Yes, I, Mardie, moped and even got a little angry because in my mind Danny didn’t care that we were not able to go out. Needless to say, this followed by a not so happy evening in the Bradshaw home. If mom is unhappy, everyone suffers!

Danny, being the wonderful support that he is, sat me down and calmed me down. He reaffirmed his love for me and we both committed to putting the gospel first, the family second, and work third. With that in mind, we read our scriptures and then said a family prayer.

The reason for this story is because I want Danny to know how much I appreciate all that he does. He works so hard to allow me to stay at home with our wonderful kids. Because of him, I am given the opportunity to write down these stories of things my children do on a daily basis. Otherwise, these memories would be lost in a sea of daycare children that I cared for. I am so grateful to have my focus centered on my kids and no one else’s.

All couples have arguments, some more serious than others. For me, though, these are the best example of love. In every argument that Danny and I have had, he is so overwhelmingly committed to our relationship, to me, that he won’t let me leave until I know he loves me. Funny that it sometimes takes a disagreement for me to realize it.

Not many people realize how much Danny sacrifices for our family. He gets stressed out way too easily and therefore puts more time and effort into his work. All the while he tries to help me out by cleaning when possible, changing diapers when I ask him, and playing with the boys (who love it when he does). This is my Danny. This is my sweetheart. This is my valentine. I love you, Danny!