The Light Bulb Is On

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about how I want to live my life. Yes, I am almost 28 years old and you’d think I would have figured it out by now. To be honest, I have been doing things specifically with other people in mind for so long. For instance, I would strive for, if not force, our family to read the scriptures. I did it specifically so that my kids would realize the importance of these sacred records and to make them better people.

Another example is the simple task of cleaning our house. Danny likes a clean house. Well, let me put that a different way; Danny HATES a dirty house. So when I clean, I do it for him. And on the days that I don’t feel well, or I’m just too tired by the time Danny gets home, I feel guilty that I didn’t clean before he got home. (Even though Danny will say over and over again that I should just sit down and relax. I bring the guilt on myself.)

At Thanksgiving, my sister planted a seed into my head. She actually gave me the wild and crazy idea that I could take care of myself first, and therefore be better prepared to take care of my family. In fact, she made it sound so easy. She said that if Danny came home before I got the chance to do the dishes, and I just happened to be taking a break when he walked in the door, I shouldn’t feel guilty if he starts putting the dishes in the dishwasher because I deserve to have breaks. She said that I have long days too – a different type of long day than Danny, but long nonetheless.

This was when the light bulb started to flicker inside my head. And between then and now, I’ve had family members, books, and different specific situations help me to come to a conclusion. It has only taken three full months for the light to finally go from a flicker to a bright halogen light bulb that is almost blinding. This light can’t go off now. It is stuck inside my head and refuses to go dim again.

So… What if I actually perform tasks specifically to improve myself? What if I read the scriptures, by myself, just to feel that spirit stronger in my life? What if I did it simply to make myself a better person? What if I did it to feel happier in my own life? Would it then affect the rest of my family the way it would have an effect on me? Would they understand the importance of these sacred records, simply by seeing the example of how the scriptures affect me?

I know it is often said that we should lead by example. Please don’t ask me why it took me such an extremely long time to figure out what that meant to me. A great way to put it is with a quote. My sister's friend, Charmaine Anderson, said, “This is my take on parenting: You figure out who God sent you...writing things down like this is a good start...then realize it is not your job to "mold" this gift from heaven. That will just set up battle lines. Your job is to love your unique little person; be a good example to them and then before it is over they will be inspired to mold themselves into someone you will be proud of. Not that I did any of this at all myself but from many conflicts I have learned that ‘being nice is more important than being right.’”

So, maybe I’m not the world’s best mother. I might yell at my kids too much, get frustrated too easily, and sometimes maybe go to bed feeling awful for being too hard on so-and-so. But I’m trying. I get to wake up the next day and try a little harder. And if it takes setting time aside just for myself in order to become a more patient, loving, and caring person, and in order to be a better example for the little ones that have been sent to me from above; I guess it is worth a try.

After all, isn’t there such a thing as being selfish in order to be selfless?

Scrapbooking Template Challenge

Everyone probably knows by now that my sis-in-law Megan got me hooked on digital scrapbooking. I absolutely love it and wish I had more time to actually do it.

Anyway, as I was looking on one of my "regular" scrap sites, there was a template challenge. You download side A of a double page template, submit your version of the template, and then you get side B. There is also a contest and whoever wins gets to choose a product from her store. Since I love her kits, etc., I decided to enter the contest. Here is my version of the template:


I normally never post my scrapbook pages on my blog, but I was excited about this page. I actually paid money for this kit... Which I never do! And, yes Megan, I just might start posting more pages to the blog. ;-)

P.S. The template and kit are from Andrea Gold on GoDigitalScrapbooking.com The kit is called "Brothers". The link to her blog is on the right of my blog.

Invisible Mom

My sister, Traci, emailed this to me. I absolutely loved it! And I think all of us moms can appreciate the fact that we are often invisible. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did:


It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone and ask to be taken to the store. Inside I'm thinking, "Can't you see I'm on the phone?" Obviously not; no one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all. I'm invisible. The invisible Mom.

Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more: Can you fix this? Can you tie this? Can you open this? Some days I'm not a pair of hands; I'm not even a human being. I'm a clock to ask, "What time is it?" I'm a satellite guide to answer, "What number is the Disney Channel?" I'm a car to order, "Right around 5:30, please." I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history and the mind that graduated summa cum laude - but now they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again. She's going, she's going, she's gone!

One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England. Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself as I looked down at my out-of-style dress; it was the only thing I could find that was clean. My unwashed hair was pulled up in a hair clip and I was afraid I could actually smell peanut butter in it. I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, "I brought you this." It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe. I wasn't exactly sure why she'd given it to me until I read her inscription: "To Charlotte, with admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees."

In the days ahead I would read - no, devour - the book. And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work: No one can say who built the great cathedrals -we have no record of their names. These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished. They made great sacrifices and expected no credit. The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything. A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, "Why are you spending so much time carving that bird intoa beam that will be covered by the roof? No one will ever see it." And the workman replied, "Because God sees."

I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, "I see you, Charlotte. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does. No act of kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake you've baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can't see right now what it will become."

At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. But it is not a disease that is erasing my life. It is the cure for the disease of my own self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride. I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on. The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.

When I really think about it, I don't want my son to tell the friend he's bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, "My Mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for three hours and presses all the linens for the table." That would mean I'd built a shrine or a monument to myself. I just want him to want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to his friend, to add, "You're gonna love it there."

As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we're doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible women.

Great Job, MOM!

Preston, The Pill!

So, lately we’ve had this problem with Preston. He just won’t go to bed at night. He keeps getting out of bed every 2 minutes. It gets so frustrating!

A couple of nights ago, we were experiencing this. Danny put him to bed. Two minutes later he gets up and smiles at me. I put him back to bed, scolding him the whole way. Another two minutes went by and, of course, he got out of bed again. This time I heard him before he even opened his bedroom door. So I tapped his bum as he ran back to his bed. I told him that if he got out of bed again then he would get a spanking and I would put him in timeout.

Of course, knowing Preston, that didn’t phase him. He got out of bed, came waltzing into our bedroom, and waited for me to do as I had warned. So, I grabbed him, spanked him, and put him in timeout. “That’ll show him,” I thought.

He sat there patiently. He was there for a good 10 to 15 minutes as I completely ignored him (except for when he started to play, then I scolded him for playing). I was bound and determined to get it into his thick scull that when it is bedtime, he is not to play around. That he just needs to close his eyes and go to sleep.

Danny came upstairs and saw him sitting on the stairs in timeout. I explained what had happened and he asked if I wanted him to take him back to bed. I told him yes, but only after I had reprimanded him again. I told the little twerp to come here. He came to stand before me as is the tradition in our house after they have had a timeout. I looked into his naughty little blue eyes and began with, “Preston, you need to stay in bed when mom and dad puts you there! No more getting out of bed, do you understand me?”

Of all the things that this little two-year old could do at this moment in time, he decided to look away with a sly little grin on his face. He quietly said, “O-tay” while looking at me from the corner of his eye.

Grrrrr… I hate when he does that. He uses every single ounce of cuteness that is in his small body and throws it at me with full force. He may as well have been saying, “Oh, come on mom… Ya know you love me.”

I tried again (though it was much less effective with a huge grin on my face). “Preston, this is not funny. You need to go to sleep.” This time, instead of a sly little grin, he looks at me full on with the biggest smile that could ever fit on a toddlers face, as if to say, “Whatever you say, mom… We all know that I run this house.”

I still don’t quite know what to do with this little stinker that has graced us all with his presence. He continues to do what he wants, without giving any second thought to any form of discipline. Yet I love him so deeply. Isn’t that the biggest miracle of being a parent? No matter what our children do, we would never love them any less. It makes me appreciate our Heavenly Father’s love for us. How unconditional His love is!

Family

Lately I have had an overwhelming sense of gratitude for the wonderful people that make up my family. Between Halo matches on Xbox live with as many siblings as possible, and an unexpected visit from my parents just so they could bring us a valentine… From advice from a loving father on how to finish our basement, to loving words of encouragement from a mother who always wishes she could do more for her children… From texting back and forth due to a newly-strengthened relationship with a kind, loving and generous sister, to long talks on the phone due to a long-found connection of a sister far away. I have been blessed with more love and more examples in my life than any one person should be awarded. But I am so grateful for it.

I remember the summer when it all began; when I first started to realize that our family was special. My mom was going away because Jill was very sick. She needed a heart transplant and the hospital that would provide that for her was located in California. So we would all make the best of it. I would, at first, stay behind with Dad. I was still in school at the time and needed to finish out the year. Maybe after the school year ended I could go visit them for summer-break.

It was really hard at first. Everything that a ‘soon-to-be’ teenage girl would go to her mother for, was now handed off to an older sister. Jodi was then put in the awkward situation of giving ‘motherly’ advice to an eleven-year old sister. But we managed.

When the school year ended, I was allowed the opportunity to go stay with mom and Jill. For me, it was a blast. We went swimming every day in one of the several pools located in our apartment complex. We met new friends and enjoyed the excitement of spending a summer in California. It wasn’t until Jill was called in to the hospital because a heart had been located, that I realized the significance of the situation. From that moment, our family seemed to strengthen. From constant trips to the doctor’s office, to facing the challenging possibility of having a split family again for a second transplant, there wasn’t anything that I felt was too much for our family.

It has been a long time since that summer when I was eleven. Yet, here we still are… as strong as ever and growing closer to each other all the time. I sometimes wonder how my parents did it. How did they place so much value on family for their children to realize? How did they make sure that we would each grow up knowing that we are loved and that they are there for each of us individually if we ever needed them?

All I can say is that I hope, as a parent, that Danny and I can show the same kind of example to our children that I was shown as a daughter. And in return, I hope that I can reciprocate with the same kind of love to the people that mean the most in my life.

Disclaimer

Again, I must remind everyone who reads this blog that it is my release. The stories that I write are more for me than anyone else. It is my hobby. And it is my way of keeping a journal. Once more, it was my sister who got me started in writing these stories. She is the one who helped me realize the importance of keeping a journal, and through reading her blog I gained more courage in what I post on my blog.

You, no doubt, had no idea that you would get such a close perspective into my life. So with that, if you do not want to look too deeply into the life of Mardie H. Bradshaw, you may want to stop reading. I am becoming more and more brave when it comes to putting my feelings out there.

For those who continue reading, I warned you. :)

My Valentine

This “journal” entry is going to be hard for me to write. You see, when things get too personal, I seem to get emotional; and then I get frustrated because I get even more emotional… You get the picture. I like to blame my emotions on my mother – it’s easy to pass the blame onto someone else. However, I also believe that in many ways it is a good trait to have. It still gets very frustrating, though. :)

I was able to quit my job last year. When I quit, I was extremely nervous. Every other time that I had been a ‘stay-at-home-mom,’ at some point I would get depressed. Just enough that I would want to go back to work. Then I would miss my kids and want to stay home with them. Then my “cycle” would start over. Work, quit, work, quit. It was a vicious cycle.

So when I prayed and got the answer to quit my job, I was scared that the cycle was starting over. But I felt so strongly that it was what Heavenly Father wanted that both Danny and I took the leap and I quit my job. The thing that I couldn’t believe is that it was amazing! I loved it. I absolutely loved spending time with Preston in the morning while Kaden was at school, and then with Kaden in the afternoon while Preston was taking a nap. Our house was cleaner, our family was healthier (side-effect of daycare), and we were overall happier. I loved it! And still do for that matter.

As a blessing from Heavenly Father, for extra income Danny was given some opportunities for contract side-work. Again, this was a huge blessing, but it also made Danny EXTREMELY busy. He would (and still does) come home from work just to get on the computer to do his side job. He is very good at what he does and therefore continues to get these extra income opportunities quite often. Once more, he is BUSY.

Well, yesterday I decided that I wanted to go out with just Danny. It was time for us to be together just as a couple without kids. The problem was that there was no babysitter available. I tried everyone on our list, but, of course, everyone had plans already. Instead of realizing that I should just try for today, I moped. Yes, I, Mardie, moped and even got a little angry because in my mind Danny didn’t care that we were not able to go out. Needless to say, this followed by a not so happy evening in the Bradshaw home. If mom is unhappy, everyone suffers!

Danny, being the wonderful support that he is, sat me down and calmed me down. He reaffirmed his love for me and we both committed to putting the gospel first, the family second, and work third. With that in mind, we read our scriptures and then said a family prayer.

The reason for this story is because I want Danny to know how much I appreciate all that he does. He works so hard to allow me to stay at home with our wonderful kids. Because of him, I am given the opportunity to write down these stories of things my children do on a daily basis. Otherwise, these memories would be lost in a sea of daycare children that I cared for. I am so grateful to have my focus centered on my kids and no one else’s.

All couples have arguments, some more serious than others. For me, though, these are the best example of love. In every argument that Danny and I have had, he is so overwhelmingly committed to our relationship, to me, that he won’t let me leave until I know he loves me. Funny that it sometimes takes a disagreement for me to realize it.

Not many people realize how much Danny sacrifices for our family. He gets stressed out way too easily and therefore puts more time and effort into his work. All the while he tries to help me out by cleaning when possible, changing diapers when I ask him, and playing with the boys (who love it when he does). This is my Danny. This is my sweetheart. This is my valentine. I love you, Danny!

Preston, The Singer

Lately Preston has kept us all smiling with his wonderful singing abilities. He just started singing one day and hasn’t stopped. It started with (of course) Superman and Spiderman songs. For the Superman song, he sings, “Da, da, da, da, da. Da-Da-Da”. The funniest part is that it actually somewhat sounds like the Superman song. For the Spiderman song, he actually sings, “Spiderman, Spiderman, Spiderman” and then yells, “Spiderman Song!”

Now that he has been doing this for a couple of weeks, Kaden has taken it upon himself to broaden Preston’s song range. He continues to work with him on singing the “Sunbeam Song”, so he calls it. He also sings the “Clean Up” song with him as much as possible.

This morning, Kaden was getting ready for school and Preston, out of the blue, started singing the clean up song, “Clean up, share. Clean up, share.” If you will remember, the song goes, “Everybody do there share.” Kaden started complaining, “It isn’t time to clean up, silly.” But that didn’t stop our little singer. He just kept singing.

So in an attempt to get Preston to change songs, Kaden started to sing the “Sunbeam Song.” Before I knew it, there were 2 kids singing as loud as they could, “SunBEAM.” Preston came in shortly and would crouch down and say, “SunBEAM” jumping up whenever he said “BEAM”.

For the rest of the morning, this little 2-year old would run around the house chanting (not singing anymore) “sunbeam, sunbeam, sunbeam.” He even started ‘hammering’ his hand while he did it. He looked like a little, miniature, white, Indian while he chanted. Kaden was just excited that he was able to get Preston to change songs. :)

What they won’t come up with next.

Let It Go

I know it’s been said that children are such great examples to follow. Well, today I was given just such an instance in which my child was an example to me.

Today has been a frustrating day. I have been working on getting an appraisal for our home. We are going to refinance and hopefully get the appraisal high enough so we don’t have to pay mortgage insurance. We would also like to take a little of the equity out to assist in finishing our basement. The problem is that there aren’t a lot of comps in our area for our type of townhome. So I have been doing a lot of research so that our appraiser has some comps to use. Basically, this morning was the epitome of frustration when I discovered that we might not be able to get the appraisal as high as we’d hoped (even though townhomes around us are appraising for far above what we need ours appraised for – theirs has finished basements and our appraiser needs at least one without a finished basement, like ours).

So after a maddening morning, stewing about this mess over and over in my mind, and not feeling like making lunch for the kids, I decided to treat ourselves to Wendy’s. We picked up Kaden from Kindergarten, picked up lunch, and brought it home to enjoy. We even splurged and got some frosty’s. :)

After eating our lunch, we were enjoying our dessert. Kaden took a couple of bites and then said, “Did you know that I had a bad day, Mom?” I said, “No… How come?” He proceeded to explain that while at school, one of the girls in his class called him a ‘pee-pee head’. I said, “Well, did you tell her that wasn’t very nice?” And then he said something very profound. He said, “No, I didn’t do anything. I just thought I should let it go.”

WOW! Needless to say, I was (and still am) very proud of my 5-year old boy who realizes more than I do the concept of ‘let it go’. I decided that I’d better take his advice and just let it go. Everything will work out for the best and if it is not meant to be for us to finish our basement right now, I guess I’ll just have to deal with it.

What wonderful blessings these little ones bring!

Sweet Kaden

How would I ever live without my sweetheart of a little one. Kaden is always so tender and kind. He is the first one to ask if you are okay when you complain of a headache, backache, or any other ache.

Yesterday, my back was hurting after a long day (okay, well two hours) in the nursery with little toddlers and with Preston clinging to my every movement (which he now does in nursery since I am in there with him). Then coming home to make dinner and standing at the stove made my back ache just a little more.

In passing, I complained to Danny saying, “Man, my back hurts tonight.” Of course, Kaden over-heard and was right there with an, “I’m sorry your back hurts, mom.” He even came and rubbed my back. I smiled and said, “It’s okay. It’ll get better when I can sit down.”

After eating we all went downstairs to enjoy the big SuperBowl game. We were just sitting there when Kaden said, “Are you always going to be sick, mom?” I said, “What do you mean?” He said, “Your back hurts right now so you’re sick. And sometimes your tummy hurts. And sometimes your head hurts. You are always sick. When are you going to get better?” I smiled and said that my back was already feeling better and that he didn’t need to worry about me so much.

Obviously, I realized that I must complain too much! Not only is Kaden such a sweet, kind, and caring little boy, but he also hears every little grumble that comes out of my mouth. Because apparently he thinks I’m some unhealthy mom that is always sick. I guess I’ll be more careful what I say in front of him. :)

Nursery

I finally did it! After much hard work and deliberation I figured out a schedule for our nursery that seemed to work. What’s more? All of the adults seemed anxious as well. We will be taking turns being in charge of a lesson, a lesson activity, singing time, and two other miscellaneous activities. This way we will be in charge of something one week and then have two weeks off.

These are the times when my testimony is strengthened about receiving inspiration for your calling. If you could have only seen the mess that was our nursery, you would be rejoicing, too. :)

I love the gospel and the support we get from Heavenly Father. It truly is Christ’s church!

Short Story Journaling

My sister started me on this one. She just started writing down her little stories that happen in her day into a short story form. I love to read hers and it made me want to try. So I sat down and wrote this short story. As I wrote, I realized that it was a little easier than I thought it would be. When you are writing about something that happened, that is true, it makes it fun and exciting. I truly enjoyed doing it. So, I guess here is the start of a new hobby. I don't know if other people will enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it, but too bad for them. :)

Time

My little super hero is so funny. Yes, I’m talking about Preston. He is the one who eats, sleeps, and, yes, breathes anything super. He is the one who insists that he doesn’t need to wear a shirt. After all, Spiderman takes his shirt off in the movie in order to transform himself into “Spiderman”. If that’s the case, then why would he need a shirt?

Well, yesterday was just another day, except, of course, that mom was busy all day on the computer. You see, I have needed to sit down and plan out our ward’s nursery schedule for weeks. Everything we have tried so far in that two-hour time period just ends up in “disaster” and I have 10 different people telling me 10 different opinions on the way things should happen in nursery. So yesterday was my day to sort it all out and get that mess organized. Nevermind the fact that Preston was poopy. Nevermind the fact that he had already watched two movies in a row. Nevermind the fact that he just wanted to play with someone, ANYONE… I just needed to get it done.

The next thing I know, Preston is crawling on me with Batman and Spiderman in each hand, fighting to the death. I patiently waited to see if he would get down off of the office chair by himself. Of course, any mom knows that’s not going to happen. He happily played with his various super heroes while slowly pushing me out of the office chair. I finally had enough and forced him to go play in by the TV (yes, a movie was still going).

After a few minutes of peace, he runs into the office with Spiderman in hand and yells, “Spiderman, Mom! Spiderman!” I turn to him and say, “Yes, Preston… That is Spiderman.” He walks out of the room satisfied to have gotten my attention and not 1 minute passes when he runs in with a stuffed Buzz Lightyear that he got for Christmas. He yells, “Buzz-Year, Mom! Buzz-Year!” This time it took two tries to get a response from me. I turn to him and say, “Yep, that’s Buzz Lightyear.” I turn back to the computer ready to finish up my preparations. Again, not 1 minute passes when he runs in with his stuffed BullsEye – the horse from Toy Story – and yells, “Ooze-Eye, Mom! Ooze-Eye!” This time it took three or four tries to get me to turn to him. At first I didn’t know what he was saying. Usually he calls this horse “Ohsey”. I stared at him for a minute, confused, and not quite sure what to say. Then it dawned on me what he was saying. At that moment, he broke my defenses. I forgot that I was intensely working out other issues and just focused on him. I couldn’t help but chuckle and say, “Good job, Preston. That’s BullsEye.”

He seemed to realize that he had done it. He had made me stop, in spite of myself, and pay attention to him. Even if it was for a brief moment, he was satisfied. And he walked away with a smile on his face and a sparkle in his little eye. That’s when I realized that I need to get my priorities straight. No matter what is going on in my life, I have this wonderful blessed opportunity to spend time with my boys. I say opportunity because I have a choice. I can ignore this opportunity and try to trudge through the other stuff that is going on in my life. Or I can stop everything and take the opportunity to sit and play with them. Time passes so quickly with these little ones. I need to make the time count.